I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
