I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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