Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
