walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
