just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
