you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was not drunk enough for that final.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
