I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
