3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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