Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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