my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
