Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
