That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
