pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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