Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
