He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
