she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
