the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
