Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
