note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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