recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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