I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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