you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
