The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
