So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
