All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize