Nicole vs. Life
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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