i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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