I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
