if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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