i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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