Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
