their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
