i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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