I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
