no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
