just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
