I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
