You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
