i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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