those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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