That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
