I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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