HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
