i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
