I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
