would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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