I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
