I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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