Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
