ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
