Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you traded sex for a burrito?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
