If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Never joke about your clitoris.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
