marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
