I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
