I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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